Smoke and Desperation...

The closest forest fire of the forest fires in California is 19 miles Southeast of the JH Ranch. Normally, or so I'm told, you have a great view of Mt. Shasta on the drive from Sacramento to Etna. When I made the trek with Ronnie and his kids (And hamster) in the cram packed mini van...all we saw was smoke. Not even an outline of Shasta was visable on the horizon. Today, the smoke entered the valley where the Ranch sits and the white cross that I labored to find a few days ago can no longer be seen from the front porch of the Bean.
This reminded me of a conversation that Ronnie and Wes and Trenton and I had two weeks ago on the way to THEE Camp and a blog I'd written, but never posted. Here it is for your contemplation.

As we drive through the back windy roads of Kentucky on our way from Tennessee to Missouri, the conversation turned to the wildfires occurring a few hours south of the JH Ranch in California, a place dear to all of our hearts. Wes asked if it was just because he was older and more aware of it, or if there seemed to be an increase in the number of natural disasters. What if it was the earth groaning for the return of the Lord?
My mind began to ponder what would the earth look like if we didn’t try to restrain it’s groaning? If we didn’t put out the wildfires or dry up the water left by rogue waves or attempt to build things resistant to the winds? What if we gave the earth over to its groaning and watched as the volcanoes erupted, mud and rocks slid down mountains, ice floes melted and flooded the earth, winds and waves swirled and whirled and blew and crashed and destroyed everything in their path without us trying to control, clean up or rebuild. What if we followed suit of creation; after all, aren’t we forsaking our created purposes as worshippers by letting the rocks and trees call out in our stead anyway? What if we adopted the same heart posture and cried out in total desperation; broken, violent, demanding the redemption and relief of our Creator; steadfast in our total reliance on Him and need for him to come and rescue us, set us free from the devastation that we have come to live in.

Two days after Hurricane Katrina hit, I found myself sitting on the floor of a red cross shelter with my arms wrapped around the frail, shivering body of a middle aged man who was suffering from kidney failure. I had wrapped about 4 blankets, a precious commodity in that situation, around him, but he continued to complain about the cold until he could no longer speak and began to groan. Tears rolled down his face and vomit mixed with bile and phlegm came from his mouth in short painful bursts spewing on to the blankets. His chest heaved up and down gasping for breath. We sat that way for about thirty minutes until he ambulance arrived to take him for the dialysis treatment his body needed to stay alive. This mans' entire being groaned and yearned for something to take him from his utter misery and torture. When he ceased to have the ability to cry out, his body did it for him; shaking, gasping, vomiting, pleading for healing or for death.

When I try to epitomize desperation and hopelessness, the picture that comes to my mind is of Mary Magdalene at the tomb of Christ. This woman has lost a dear friend and is already grief stricken, lonely and probably depressed. She has come to pay respects to the body of a man who encouraged her, taught her, loved her, lead her, affirmed her and redeemed her. Instead of finding his body, she finds angels where Jesus had lain and in John’s account she, “stood weeping outside the tomb.” When the angels ask her why she is crying she proclaims, “they have taken away my Lord and I do not know where they have laid him.” Mary is desperate to find Christ, to see Him, to show her devotion to Him, just to be near Him and in His presence, even in the supposition that she will be only with His dead body, His shell. Like the woman with the issue of blood who was confident in her faith enough to know that if she could even touch the corner of Christ’s robe and be healed
What would my life be like if I existed in that state of groaning and desperation to cling to the Lord so that I was unable to carry on without His presence in my life. Could I reach a point where my life is a frenzied, violent storm of need for my Lord, pleading with Him to affirm my salvation yet again and to carry me out of this world to His home.